A Revenge Fic
by scousemuz1k
Summary: Sequel to The Vicious Bug. One shot.


**AN: I blame my friends... especially Veeps, Binks and Ytteb... it wasn't me. Quite possibly the silliest thing I've ever written.**

A Revenge Fic

By scousemuz1k

Tony made a conscious effort to push his shoulders back and stop hunching over his keyboard. He didn't have to hunch; he really did feel better. It was kind of McGee and Delilah to come over and check on him, and their unique brand of nursing care, ending with telling him to shove off to his bed as they wanted the sofa – no doubt for some quality geek making out, had been just what he needed.

Here he was, back at his desk, and Gibbs would be none the wiser. Why did it matter? Well, there was Ducky's fussing – again, a unique brand. There was being benched while the others went out in the field. There was – it didn't matter. He'd disintegrated the evil Theodore, melting him like the Wicked Witch of the West; he was done with the Vicious Bug.

"_Ya think?"_

He winced – caught! Until he realised that although the words were Gibbs', the tone likewise, the squeaky, scratchy voice was all wrong. He glanced round, and saw nothing out of place, but a snigger came from right in front of him. He looked at his monitor and frowned. A small, brown cricket-like thing was dancing up and down on his computer screen.

"I didn't click on a nature web-site..." Tony muttered.

"_You didn't need to." _The creature shook a spiky little fist at him. _"My name's Tarquin. You killed my brother, and I'm going to make you pay!"_

Tony's head thumped suddenly. "Oh, for Pete's sake, I can do without this..." How many times had people come after a member of the team for revenge – and now a _bug_ was doing it? He thought for a brief moment. What had he done before? How had he disposed of Theodore? Slept...no... _imagined_ things. "Make me pay, huh?"

He began to realise that what the bug was doing, what he'd thought was dancing was jumping up and down with rage. _"He was family! Family stick together. You're going to suffer!"_

Imagine... Tony's hands flew over his keys, much faster than he thought he was capable of. FLY-SWATTER. A long-handled plastic thing appeared in the middle of the screen, above the bug's head. For a moment, Tony felt guilty; then he wiggled his mouse, and Tarquin was a nasty brown smear like a fly on a wind-shield. Tony leaned back in his chair in a mixture of triumph, relief, and bewilderment. Phew.

A screech – no, two screeches brought his attention back to the screen.

"_You killed him! You killed our bro!"_

Two of them... identical to Tarquin. He looked at them, unimpressed. "And you are?"

"_We're Tommy and Timmy – you –"_

"Tommy and Timmy? Oh, _please_..."

"_You killed our brother! We're going to –"_

"Yeah... I got that. Don't you have anything more interesting to say? No?" Tony's fingers skittered over the keys again. DOUBLE-BARRELLED SHOTGUN. He wiggled the mouse again; the gun turned slowly on the screen. There was a satisfying _blam_, and two small clouds of glinting brown shards rained slowly down to the ground.

OK, it _was_ satisfying in a way, but senseless slaughter really wasn't his cup of coffee, and he hoped that was that. Maybe he should switch his computer off.

"_Oh, no, don't do that,"_ another voice said. It was obviously trying to be seductive, but the squeaky-scratchy didn't really lend itself to being sultry. Other tiny voices giggled; Tony huffed, braced himself, and looked back at the screen. Gah... Four little bugs – with long, blonde hair, and lipstick.

_DiNozzo, doesn't any of this strike you as odd?_

Maybe, but I really haven't time to debate it right now...

"_I'm Tanya,"_ one little bug said breathily. _"You killed our brothers." _Enough, already!

"_Tessa. We're going to get you."_

"_Tina. You'll be sorry."_

"_And I'm Toni. Wouldn't you like us to kiss you?" _

"Toni? Er, I don't think so. Look, ladies, humankind and bugkind are never going to like each other. Why don't you just accept it and go home?"

"_Ooh, not until we've kissed you, Tony..." _They began to sashay forwards, and he wasn't completely sure they couldn't get out of the screen at him. He hit the caps lock. HAIR SPRAY. In a moment, the four bugs were frozen stiff. Their long blonde hair looked lovely, though.

Now could he relax? Didn't think so. Five more Vicious Bugs in a row, all screaming the same old threats. POP GUN. The rapid-fire corks knocked them down like ducks in a fairground arcade – and just like the ducks, another five rolled up into position with a mechanical click. Again, and... again. Tony began to wonder if his gun would run out of corks.

"_It doesn't matter," _a new voice shrieked vindictively._ "Squash them, shoot them, my children will just keep coming! You'll pay!" _Tony stared, and groaned. The new bug was bent over like an ancient crone, wore large glasses, and had crimped grey hair, and the beleaguered agent was reminded horribly of the sweet old country MD, Dr Silvia Chalmers, who'd conspired with her daughter to chop up a murdered marine. For the first time, Tony felt a little nervous.

"_Look!" _the matriarch bug waved a bony finger expansively. The background, which seemed to be a green field, was disappearing under a brown tide that swept over it. _"You see? You puny humans can't stop us... we're all-powerful! You'll all pay for what you do to us... starting with you, Agent DiNozzo!"_

Tony typed CROP SPRAYER, and a little red tri-plane, a la Baron von Richthofen flew low over the brown field, spraying flossy, white clouds, while the Dambusters March played in the background. The pilot appeared to be a goldfish.

"Kate? Is that you?" The fish waved a cheery fin, and the brown tide receded and vanished. "This is so weird..."

The mother bug cackled derisively. _"You think a bit of DDT will stop us?" _She pointed to a tree. It was tall, so the little plane had missed it, and it writhed with tiny brown things. Momma shrieked, _"How do you like my Airborne Division?"_

_Oh come on, this isn't fair._ The bugs were forming up into formation, and setting off towards him, with a sound reminiscent of British black-and-white war films_. 'The Supermarine Spitfire, powered by the ubiquitous Rolls-Royce Merlin engine,' _Ducky began to lecture in his ear, but he really didn't have time to listen.

The little red tri-plane was back, darting in and out amongst the brown swarm, wreaking havoc, but it was heavily outnumbered. "No... Katie! Don't do it... get out of there..."

The Airborne Division hurtled towards the screen and freedom, firing tracer bullets aimed at Tony's heart. And he had to admit, he felt awful. The Vicious Mother Bug bounced up and down gleefully, yelling encouragement, and then, suddenly, abruptly changed her tune. _"Oh no... no, stop, don't do that... no..."_

Tony felt a steadying hand on his shoulder, as Tim leaned in, extending his index finger. The bug matriarch yelled one last _"nooooo..." _as McGeek hit the delete button. The screaming, engine droning and machine-gun fire stopped abruptly, and silence fell. Tony's mouth hung open.

"It's that simple?" he finally managed to ask.

"Sshh..." Tim said calmly, "everything's fine. Tony? Tony..."

And at that point, of course, as in all demented dreams, the sick man woke up, to find Tim with one hand on his shoulder and the other on his forehead. "Your temperature's up again," he said quietly. "You were talking about Kate."

"Oh." There really was no way to explain.

Delilah wheeled in, with Advil and iced water, helped him to swallow, and sat silently with him while Tim went for clean bedding, and Tony just let them roll him to one side then the other as they removed the sweat-soaked sheets, without protest. Tim had also brought clean pyjamas, and Delilah chuckled and trundled out again. "No way am I helping you to change," she said over her shoulder.

Tim left him to it and busied himself taking the laundry to the washing machine, then came back in to make sure his friend was settled. "You look a bit better," he told him, folding the blanket down but pulling the sheet up. "Rest now. I think between us we've beaten this bug."

"Mmm... thanks," Tony muttered. Tim had no idea what the grin on his friend's face meant as he drifted off back to sleep.

The End. No more bugs.


End file.
